A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Leslie dug her hands deeper into her coat pockets, hunching her shoulders against the cold, sharp wind. It wasn’t a great day to take a walk, but she’d needed a break from the twins. A break from life.

Her next door neighbour and best friend, Sarah, had offered to watch her two-year-old terrors while she cleared her head.

“I know it hasn’t been easy. Go take a walk. Take a breath. We’ll be happy making play-dough pies till you come home!”

It wasn’t just the twins, Leslie knew. They were generally well behaved—as much as two year olds could be, and they took afternoon naps. No, the problem was Bill. Bill’s work.

When was the last time they’d talked about something other than who was going to pick up the dry cleaning? That had been this morning’s argument.

“I thought you were going to get it,” Bill said in exasperation as he stood in the closet doorway, dressed in his undershirt and boxers. “Honestly, Leslie…! I have an important meeting today. What am I supposed to do without my grey suit?”

“I think you have a few other ones,” Leslie snapped. She was trying to wash Katie’s face and she could feel the sticky residue of jam in her hair. “Wear one of those!”

With a resigned sigh, Bill turned back to the closet, and she couldn’t resist adding, “I’m not your personal maid service, you know. I have a few other things to do!”

Later, after Bill had gone, she’d regretted her sharp words. She knew he was under pressure. A few months ago a new boss had come into the company, shaken everyone up. Bill had told her, his face taut, that there would be lay-offs. He was clinging to his job by his finger nails.

But that didn’t make it any easier when he stumbled home near midnight, only to leave before breakfast the next morning. The twins missed him, she missed him. What had happened to their marriage?

Last night he’d made an effort to come home early. Leslie smiled wryly as she thought of the dinner she’d cooked, the wine chilling in the fridge. All to waste. Bill had come home on time, but had buried himself under the newspaper in the living room. When she’d asked him to come to dinner, he’d looked at her pleadingly.

“I’m exhausted, Leslie. I just need a little breathing space.”

Breathing space. That’s what this was, a quick walk to the park, head down to shield herself from the wind and drizzle, wondering where the love had gone.

She didn’t expect romance and flowers, roses on the pillow, scented candles in the bath… well, not really. Occasionally those things were nice, and they used to have them. All she wanted back was the enjoyment of each other’s company, the shared laughter, the look across the table that showed they knew each other’s thoughts and they couldn’t wait till later?

Where had all that gone?

Leslie reached the little park at the end of the street, and she sat down on a bench, wrapping her arms around herself. The park was shrouded in gloom, the empty swings creaking and swaying in the wind, the sand pit a muddy mess.

She glanced down at the weathered surface of the park bench, and saw two entwined hearts crudely cut into the wood. Inside the heart were a pair of initials--’S.K. + M.T. forever’. 

No doubt some lovestruck teenager had carved the important words, she thought. He’d envisioned a future with his sweetheart, not realising how tough things could get.

  Once she and Bill had been like that... full of romantic notions, giddy with the excitement of fresh, young love.  And now?  She didn’t even like to think about it.

Leslie sighed. She needed to talk to Bill. But how…? She wasn’t even sure what she should say.

It was getting late and the drizzle was turning to a cold, needling rain. The twins would be missing her. Leslie stood up from the park bench and as she did a glimmer of copper caught her eye.

 A plate had been fixed to the back of the bench.  In Memory of Caroline and Edward Smith, who loved this park and each other for fifty years.

Suddenly Leslie felt close to tears.  Wasn’t that kind of love, strong, enduring, better than any silly puppy love?  That was the kind of love she wanted for Bill and her... the kind of love that endured troubles, that cleaved together when hardship came. The kind of love she knew they could have.

Back at home, Sarah had the twins calmed down, sharing crackers and juice.  Leslie kissed the tops of both of their soft, downy heads and smiled at her friend.

“Thank you for that.  I needed it.”

Betty smiled back.  “We all do, sometimes.”

That night, after the twins were tucked in bed, she waited for Bill to go home.

He came in at ten o’clock, looking completely worn out. She hadn’t really noticed before how tired he looked, lines of worry already etched into his face. 

“Leslie, you didn’t have to wait up.”

“I wanted to.”

Bill came to her, put his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head as he used to. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a useless husband,” he said quietly. “I saw the wine in the fridge this morning, and realized you’d planned a nice dinner for us last night. I was just too exhausted to even think about what I was doing… or not doing.”

“It’s okay,” Leslie said softly.

“It’s not okay. I don’t ever want to become complacent, or take you for granted. Expecting you to pick up the dry cleaning was stupid. I even had the ticket in my own pocket.” He shook his head. “Forgive me.”

“Forgiven.” Leslie kissed him. “And forgive me.”

“For what?”

“For all the bitter, angry thoughts I’ve had.” She smiled ruefully. “The last few weeks have been hard.”

“I know, and I think they’re finally over. I’m keeping my job, they told me today. I gave them one condition—I can leave by six every night.”

“That sounds like a good condition.” Leslie tilted her head up for Bill’s kiss, glad for the walk she’d had, the breath of fresh air, and Caroline and Edward Smith. They’d loved each other for fifty years. Leslie was pretty sure she and Bill would have the same.

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Copyright © 2007 by Katharine Swartz